Life, Death, Rebirth

On Saturday, after a hugely important family mediation event, I was drained, feeling the need to recuperate.  So, I kept the day simple- rest, a short bicycle ride, a little volunteerism, some dishes, and a drive.  I got my mind off of things on the drive but by the time I was headed home, I coundn’t help but to notice an image that looked like my body was dead, lying over the altar.  “I feel like I died, ” I explained to a friend.  I don’t know what part of me died but all I can think is that another part of me is getting ready for rebirth.  I did the math and cacluated nine months out from my most signiciant 2014 event- when I fell 15 feet to the ground from the zipline swing.

That leads into the first week of April.  I do not know if a new part of me is getting born but I am curious to see what the Divine has in store for me.  I will be curious and I will beleive in my power, have faith and courage.  A dear friend reminded me of Mercy too.  I don’t often think of mercy but I see now that in letting go, perfect surrender is graceful and to accept this, to understand this and to hold faith, is to have mercy.  It is when we are without mercy that we grieve and gripe and make a fuss.  So, since I’m lucky enough to know a wise woman, I will take her wisdom now and do the best I can to apply it.  Have mercy and peace will come.

Bullshit Savings Time

I apologize for sounding vulgar in the title of my post but if I don’t rant at least a little bit about the time change, then, well, I’ll be mostly the only one hearing my annoyances.  No matter what, this change of the clocks is rediculous. I hear many people say how much they like it and if you’re at work indoors all day, I can sympathize with that need and desire for sunshine and light.

But let’s look at the time change from an earthly, connected perspective.  This is how I feel what happens:  in the fall, Equinox comes and day and night are equal.  Abundance abounds in California as tomatoes and peppers ripen red on the vine.  We harvest, we eat our apples fresh from the trees and at every potluck or dinner party, there is dish after dish made with zucchini.  October rolls around and the sun becomes noticably lower in the sky.  The golden fields glow as evening light settles over land.  Orange pumpkins capture our attention as if pumpkin carving was a long held tradition of Autumn and finally, after costumes and fretting over candy and offerings to the Rubbish fairies, alas, we “fall back” (seemingly regaining the hour that was stolen from us last week; but I don’t think regaining this hour makes up for every hour I’ll lose between now and next fall).

After the clocks are turned back that week following Halloween, then what?  For one, it’s easier to put the children to bed.  Ever notice it’s easier to put yourself to bed too?  The first frost beckons you turn on the oven, bake them potatoes or Butternut Squash, plan for pies and who’s cooking what for the coming holiday.  For the busy American, the full time job and commute becomes more intense- there’s shopping to do and holiday planning and if we don’t have a loved one who is sick, we may be recalling a time when a relative passed away.  Grief and pneumonia visit many in this dark time of year.  Some people get flu shots, others make hot chocolate and still others make tea and soups.  We all have different Autumn traditions and habits.  But generally, we have to fight colds and keep warm.  Some of us go personally inward, become depressed or dive deep into creative projects.

Think about it, the darkest of days come on the first day of winter so that means November through February the nights are the longest and if we’re going to get good rest, this is the time to do it.  If the holidays included rich meals, extra baked goods or sharing bottles of wine, the New Year starts with efforts toward the best intentions, a desire to make improvements and somehow, since the days are shorter, maybe you’re like me and you like going to bed earlier and earlier.  I love sleep more and more as January turns to February.  I embrace my dreamtime, knowing I can store up energy for summer, knowing that in my dreamtime and meditations, I will find inspiration.

Yellow begins bursting from the fields here in California.  Mustard flowers glow from near and far.  The roadsides light up when the clouds break and even on foggy days, the earth glows yellow and gold.  This is the time when I KNOW, Spring is Coming and I love it and I can feel it with every cell of my body.  As the earth awakens, I awaken and I feel as though I am being beckoned from my slumber.  From the pleasures of my layered blankets and the coziness of my shelter, I enter the day, excited, as the sunrise inspires me morning after morning.  I rise early, easily and well rested and I look outside in shock and awe- it’s so pretty!  Light and morning fog, each day, new and different from the last.  I can’t wait to start the day.  I feel like an Earth Baby whose been resting for months, like a little one rubbing my eyes in amazement as Mother Earth says, “Here child, take this color, put on these colors and go be lovely with the rest of the world- life is awakening again- this is the promise of Spring that I told you about when we planted the Tulips.”

Yes, this is how it is for me- an earth baby awakening as if with new eyes, all is new again.  Life is green with miner’s lettuce and chickweed and I want to go out and be in this world- inspired and happy to rise, rise, rise!

Then… I won’t say it.  The title of my post already said it.  Instead I’ll dream, I’ll dream of a day when the world says, “No- let’s not make that agreement.  Let’s not pretend day is longer.  Let’s not assign an alternate hour to the light that we do have.  Let’s just keep in sync with one time and see what happens.  Maybe we’ll like it even better.”

As the Sun Sets

It’s the first of March, a Sunday. I am lingering outside, amid the spring air. The sun has set and the periwinkle of the evening is all the light I have to see as I go about my way, working along the stone path, weeding. I love this work. All seems quiet within me and around; all there is to hear, are the sound of birds. So I listen and I think a little but I mostly don’t think. I mostly do- just mindless work that feels good. I smell some smells, I see tiny buds and new shoots and pull at the grass clumps, heavily rooted.

I think about the good job I do, my ability to have attention to detail and work carefully and gently at seeing what’s in front of me- what plants need to go, what plants need to stay. If someone wants to know about how I work, they can ask the two oldest ladies whose gardens I have weeded. It’s in this time of the year that I know the obvious thing to do is pay attention to what’s what. A couple of weeks ago I helped a neighbor and loved being able to check in with her along the way, asking for what she wanted to keep and what she didn’t want to keep. I learned her preferences, which were not very much unlike mine and easily discerned how to prep the garden for Spring. I saved the tiny plants that seeded themselves. “I specialize in helping older women who understand and enjoy the garden, who need a good helper to help them do what they can’t keep up with,” thoughts tinkle into mind. (That way I get a little mentoring along the way too.) I can offer my strength and knowledge. I feel excited as these thoughts come through from landscape of guidance that only seeps in via quiet. I’m going to post an ad somewhere. I imagine becoming familiar with more gardens, seeing new spaces and appreciating new combinations of landscapes, coming to know new people and appreciating them.

I love working with older people and I wonder if I can help foster at least 2 more gardens a month. Why is it that when I go to a garden I feel the same as when I go to children? It’s funny to say, but I feel like I am able to bring the nurturing of my inner mother to both little ones and to the green ones. I feel as if, when I come into a garden, I see a mass of beauty that is breathtaking and a chorus of plants sing out to me, in cheers and excitement, “Hello! Hello!” calling me in their direction.

Yes, more gardens. And maybe more connections to people who need body work. I would like to help more bodies. Here I am beginning. I pretty consistently have 1-2 people a week to work with and in the next few months, I am hoping to nurse my way toward filling my calendar with four appointments a week. It’s really not that much. I can do it.

Now, if only we didn’t have daylight savings time starting next week. I would stay synced in this wonderful bounding of energy, easily awaking earlier and earlier every day and ever so easily happy to lay my head down at a decent hour. The dark is now solid outside and it’s 7 pm. If you haven’t thought about it, if you’re in the crowd who likes the time change, I ask you this: Do you actually save electricity? Do you get more or less sleep? Is it easier to go to bed early? Is it easy to wake up late? I’m sorry to say, but I do think Daylights Savings is an institutionalized method of screwing with the pagans, the gifted Shamans and Medicine people.

And for those younger than me, I’ll tell you this: in the year 2000, Daylight Savings didn’t begin until the first weekend of April. And when I was a child, it began in the end of April.

I have to face the harsh truth of reality. So out of my twilight dreaminess I go, a bit grouchy that in just a weeks time, I have to accept, against all my desires, the changing of the clock. And is there any effective way to rebel?

Inhale… exhale…