Bullshit Savings Time

I apologize for sounding vulgar in the title of my post but if I don’t rant at least a little bit about the time change, then, well, I’ll be mostly the only one hearing my annoyances.  No matter what, this change of the clocks is rediculous. I hear many people say how much they like it and if you’re at work indoors all day, I can sympathize with that need and desire for sunshine and light.

But let’s look at the time change from an earthly, connected perspective.  This is how I feel what happens:  in the fall, Equinox comes and day and night are equal.  Abundance abounds in California as tomatoes and peppers ripen red on the vine.  We harvest, we eat our apples fresh from the trees and at every potluck or dinner party, there is dish after dish made with zucchini.  October rolls around and the sun becomes noticably lower in the sky.  The golden fields glow as evening light settles over land.  Orange pumpkins capture our attention as if pumpkin carving was a long held tradition of Autumn and finally, after costumes and fretting over candy and offerings to the Rubbish fairies, alas, we “fall back” (seemingly regaining the hour that was stolen from us last week; but I don’t think regaining this hour makes up for every hour I’ll lose between now and next fall).

After the clocks are turned back that week following Halloween, then what?  For one, it’s easier to put the children to bed.  Ever notice it’s easier to put yourself to bed too?  The first frost beckons you turn on the oven, bake them potatoes or Butternut Squash, plan for pies and who’s cooking what for the coming holiday.  For the busy American, the full time job and commute becomes more intense- there’s shopping to do and holiday planning and if we don’t have a loved one who is sick, we may be recalling a time when a relative passed away.  Grief and pneumonia visit many in this dark time of year.  Some people get flu shots, others make hot chocolate and still others make tea and soups.  We all have different Autumn traditions and habits.  But generally, we have to fight colds and keep warm.  Some of us go personally inward, become depressed or dive deep into creative projects.

Think about it, the darkest of days come on the first day of winter so that means November through February the nights are the longest and if we’re going to get good rest, this is the time to do it.  If the holidays included rich meals, extra baked goods or sharing bottles of wine, the New Year starts with efforts toward the best intentions, a desire to make improvements and somehow, since the days are shorter, maybe you’re like me and you like going to bed earlier and earlier.  I love sleep more and more as January turns to February.  I embrace my dreamtime, knowing I can store up energy for summer, knowing that in my dreamtime and meditations, I will find inspiration.

Yellow begins bursting from the fields here in California.  Mustard flowers glow from near and far.  The roadsides light up when the clouds break and even on foggy days, the earth glows yellow and gold.  This is the time when I KNOW, Spring is Coming and I love it and I can feel it with every cell of my body.  As the earth awakens, I awaken and I feel as though I am being beckoned from my slumber.  From the pleasures of my layered blankets and the coziness of my shelter, I enter the day, excited, as the sunrise inspires me morning after morning.  I rise early, easily and well rested and I look outside in shock and awe- it’s so pretty!  Light and morning fog, each day, new and different from the last.  I can’t wait to start the day.  I feel like an Earth Baby whose been resting for months, like a little one rubbing my eyes in amazement as Mother Earth says, “Here child, take this color, put on these colors and go be lovely with the rest of the world- life is awakening again- this is the promise of Spring that I told you about when we planted the Tulips.”

Yes, this is how it is for me- an earth baby awakening as if with new eyes, all is new again.  Life is green with miner’s lettuce and chickweed and I want to go out and be in this world- inspired and happy to rise, rise, rise!

Then… I won’t say it.  The title of my post already said it.  Instead I’ll dream, I’ll dream of a day when the world says, “No- let’s not make that agreement.  Let’s not pretend day is longer.  Let’s not assign an alternate hour to the light that we do have.  Let’s just keep in sync with one time and see what happens.  Maybe we’ll like it even better.”

The Ebb and Flow of building a Healing Practice

My father had a wonderful story from his days in college.  Think 1940’s, Colorado.  He was in English class when his professor asked the class, “Why do we write?”  Believe it or not, the answer doesn’t come so simply for some as it does others.  There were a couple of guesses at what the teacher wanted to hear and an explanation of how writing felt for someone and there was a gap of silence.  The way I heard the story, whether it went like this or not, it was as if the professor allowed the silence to be long, and drawn out, uncomfortably so.  And from the silence, purposefully my father’s voice was barely audible.  But he was heard and he shared eye contact with his teacher as he did with me when he told this story.

“To be heard.”

His professor nodded yes.

To me, he sang this sentence.  His stories were at times a song.  At least they had to be for me, as I didn’t often entertain his storytelling for long.  I had my own interests and often, as it can be for a young person, I was not so interested in my dad’s college years.  I think he sang this to me to demonstrate something in him that is in me.  That same part that writes, “to be heard”.  I know I write for an audience.  And when I right, I always have an imagined audience in mind and I am simultaneously listening from my seat in the chair while guiding the tale along.  If you were Amy Irving, you would be my favorite listener and my favorite teller too.  She used words so finely, a poet was she.

I crave an audience yet I don’t go seeking for my audience.  Part of me is content to create for the sake of creation and in a way be detached.  And, I’m not so much the risk taker that asserts to others- you should read this or hear this!  (Or maybe it’s that I don’t want to compete amid all the hundreds of thousands of online bloggers.)  Yet, I keep writing, and always I imagine there are those who will hear my story and find it of value.  I have little proof that this true but still, I write and feel there is meaning that is beyond me in my reflections and tales.  All this, is to say, I am aware that I calculate and recalculate how much I can say and what I will say.  I wonder if it’s harder when you don’t know your audience.

As I acknowledge that I write to be heard and I sense there is value in my offerings, let me just go and do this thing of being vulnerable and I’ll start by admitting, I don’t know if my website will do the good that I seek for it to do.  Everywhere I look and read, the internet would have me convinced- you have to have a website!  It is the sensible thing to do. Then, there’s doing it- making it, choosing the content, presenting one’s self.  How to be?  Who to be?  How will I be perceived?  Will I be good enough?  Will people like me?  Will my site do what it’s supposed to?  Can I be myself?  How can I be me and at the same time, present myself as a person that is attractive and well meaning to others?  Do I only say what’s “friendly”? That’s what so many sites advise and though I am friendly, do I have to always be positive?  Must I present myself as already successful? Or can I expose myself as uncertain at times?  Can I admit that I am a work in progress?  I am developing.  Need I say this to my unknown audience? We’re all works in progress, with imperfection, yet some, really do have it figured out how to present themselves without question.  Not me, I’m cautious and I’m a chameleon, so what do I do when there are no apparent colors changing around me?  What color am I?

The good thing about my website is that I am finding myself talking about it and proud to tell friends about it.  I realize I feel like I’m on the right track.  Still, I don’t want to be laughed at for coming up with my Garden as Metaphor offering.  Will people understand what it is that I have to give?  Essentially, I know that all of us, at one time or another long for “something more” and this is the purpose of my work with people in the garden. Sometimes, going for a hike to be in nature is too far. Tuning into something more CAN be as simple as walking outside and seeing what grows around so that we have reflections of wisdom and can access peace and quiet from within the heart and mind.   Though I aim to be content and appreciative of my life, like any other unenlightened soul, my discontent today reminds me that something more is available.  It’s just that sometimes we need our friends and allies to help us to see “beyond the veils.”

Over the weekend, I thought my Monday was going to be pretty right on.  I had two appointments scheduled to do body work and I had both my tai chi class and my teacher’s class to attend.  Then one appointment got cancelled.  Even though I had two hours of chi gung scheduled, once I was up early and could recognize the day was no longer windy as it was yesterday, I sought out the sun and I did my breathing, my bowing, my exercises.  I love having a practice.

I made recordings as a friend of mine had asked me to do and fixed myself a fine and hearty breakfast- lamb burgers and kale salad.  On my way to the University, I called my friend Kiki to make sure we were meeting up. Nope!  He was in the Emergency Room! My day was officially nothing like I expected it to be.  Not only was I without the appointments, not only did that effect my schedule and my cash flow, there I was, on the brink of tears.  I was immediately anxious and concerned because I didn’t know what the ER meant.  What was wrong?  How wrong was it?  I couldn’t do a thing.

But I could pray, send energy, ask our common friends to hold this friend in light and send him “Love Chi.”  Maybe all that I could do was the best I could do too.

I didn’t have any clients today so I didn’t feel productive but let me tell you what I did do instead.  I took a walk and found a random book on a bench along a nature trail.  I read and contemplated ideas from a Druid, including this mantra:

I am at peace.  I am one with the trees, the earth and the sky.  I am one with all things.       I am one with Existence; all that has been, all that is, all that shall be and all that could be. We are one.

~noted by Cassius in An Overview of Druidism

On my walk, I remembered how very, very much I adore creeks and I jumped from stone to stone to cross the creek.  I climbed over a big fallen tree and I saw mugwort growing.  I looked at the light on the stones and listened to the sound of the moving water.

I succeeded in making a spontanous plan with a friend.  Together, we had the excuse to drive alongside the coast and drink in the beauty of the ocean and its crashing waves. We drove until we saw our familiar friend on the side of the road and then we stopped the car, parked and got our bags and gloves so we could harvest Nettles.  We looked at it first, we said hello, made an offering with a song and picked from the roadside those stinging nettles that only sting when you don’t know to be careful!

I did manage to get a couple of pricks and that stinging sensation is interesting as it lasts a good while.  The sting keeps you feeling awake and so my finger stills tingles but actually, I don’t mind.  Somehow, it feels like the right medicine for the day.

I maybe didn’t have clients of my own to work with on this day but I did do my practice of being a Medicine Woman.  Oh, and in addition to Nettles, I harvested Chickweed too. Keep posted for when I have salve made.  If you’re a gardener or have a loved one who is, you may just be delighted when my Gardener’s hand Salve is all made!

Thank you Mother Earth.  Oh, and for those wondering about Kiki, I got word he’s back home and he’s going to be alright.